Funny men on the internet - Tru lous 2.0

Are you trying to find "tru lou"?

Have you found the "one"?

Are parents asking you get married a.s.a.p.?

Worry not, the Internet will help you!

Trying to find love is a brave expedition in itself. The fact that people do it on the Internet doesn't change a thing. What is funny is - how they go about it. Previously undocumented attempts at courtship now find their way into your inbox. Taken from social network messages and jeevansathi.com pages (arranged marriage websites, unique to India), this blogpost has samples of about-me sections, personal messages sent by wonderful individuals.

These are messages from men who write to women. Women haven't approached me yet, I'd love to see what it's like on the other side.

Of course, we don't mention their real names.

The Messages

(1) The Royal Prince

Hi friend! my self caddy I liked your profile a lot. nice to see your profile. ones go with my profile we are from one of the Royal, Reputed well known family with good political back ground also bonded with one of the good moral values well settled family with broad mind. if god wish is there than I can give happy, loyal, truthful honest and luxurious life to you. see my pics at facebook name Caddy.

I'll wait for your call or family call don't worry I am too friendly and jovial guy Ph: **REALLYfancynumber*** let me know your answer

Tempting offer, isn't it? Bonded with moral values. No, not cement. He is too friendly with a broad mind. Royal family. Now, this is a great find.

(2) The Foot-Massager

"Hi Madam,

This is Manoj and working in mnc. I am very new to Foot Fetish and very keen on trying out this lifestyle.If you like this please allow me to worship your beautiful feet and want clean your foot wear with no strings attached.

If u like this pls response me or ignore this.Please consider my kind request.

Your Lovely Dog

Manoj"

How polite. Inappropriate sexual request, yes. We can't be rude about that, can we? Priceless. He wants to clean footwear with no strings attached. I suppose my sneakers are not a part of the plan then. Damn.

I replied:

"Hi Manoj, Thank you for your message. I'm not interested in something like this. I still

appreciate your honesty. Have you had any luck so far on facebook?"

He never wrote back.

(3) The Guy with No Bad Habits

HI,IAM RAMESH.I AM ONLY SON WAITING FOR MARRIAGE,I HAD 3SISTERS MARRIED ALREADY WEL SETTELED.MY BUSINESS IS EMUBIRDS STARTED WITH 40 LAKHS,I STARTED ONE YEAR BACK FROM NEXT YEAR I WILL EARN PERYEARLY 10_20 LAKHS.I HAD 3 CRORES OF PROPERTY.IHAD 20 ACRES OF MANGO GARDEN YEARLY IEARN THROUGH THAT 8TO10 LAKHS.ON PADDY FIELD IGET 2 TO 3 LAKHS.I HAD PLOTS IN HYD 400YARDS,ASWAROOPET 600YARDS,PATWARIGUDEM 900 YARDS.I AM ALWAYS SMILEY AND I AM COOL AND INNOCENT GUY .NO BAD HABITS DRINKING ALCOHOL,CIGAR,GUTKHA ETC.MY FATHER IS RETIRED FOREST OFFICER, HE ALSO ACTED IN SOME FILIMS,I ALSO LOOK YOUR PARENTS AS MY PARENTS I PROMICE YOU. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED TO DO JOB I ALLOW YOU TO DO JOB ALSO.I RESPECT MY LIFE PARTNER AND I NEVER HURT YOUR FEELINGS,I GIVE FREEDOM TO HER.IF U ARE INTERESTED CALL ME MY NO IS ***(hidden to protect privacy)***WAITING FOR UR REPLY OR MESSAG

My eyes. They are in intense pain.

We're not really clear on whether he still has the property or if he's talking about what he had. He is always smiley. He 'promices' that he will take care of my parents. He will never hurt my feelings. Aww. I had my heart going out to this guy.  

(4) The Chronic Fraandshipper

hii beautiful, actually i blocked with sending friend request. So can we be friends??? If yes then please

add me as your friend...

Yeah, there's probably a good reason why you can't send any friend requests anymore.

The About Me

The gentleman who invented the "about me" section. Sheer genius. Just give him that Nobel prize, already?

Remember that some of these "arranged marriage" websites allow parents to create profiles for you, without your consent or knowledge.

(1) My son is tall, deterministic and intelligent

(2) NEED A GOOD GIRL, MUST HAVE INTEREST IN GOD WORSHIPS, AFFECTIONATE, CARING, LOVABLE GIRL, AND NOTHING BUT SUITS TO ME. LOVE U MY DREAM GIRL.

(3) Namaste to One & all.

My self Dr. Billa.

This I'd I created for my younger Bro.

We are from one of the Reputed & well known family with good political back ground and bonded with one of the best moral values.

We respect to our dad & mom because of them today we all are on good stage we also went through ups and down, we know the values of  ups and downs.

If I'll talk about my bro he his little beat passionate and loveable guy.

    Slightly scary. Is he passionate about beating up people?

His life style is totally different and unique than us.

He believe in his own path

He always rock on his own decision with the help of everyone blessings.

    I see. He throws a rock on his own decision with everyone's blessings? He rocks on his decision? He's a rock? I don't get it.

He have done his education from Delhi university and he worked for the Paramount and Kingfisher.

recently he left the job because of mom health.

My mom always want to see him front of her eyes because she loves him a lot.

   The rest of us want to see him behind our eyes. Magical retina display. Is that why he quit his job?

We are looking for Beautiful, loveable & well educated girl

who respect to each and everyone.

Forget about dowry factor we also know the pain of dowry factor

     The dowry factor. It's like a prime factor, only divisible by one. Have you been watching fear factor?

But today with the help of god he have a lots properties and all

We just need above qualities girl not dowry.

My bro is very soon moving for commercial pilot training jus waiting for mom recovery.

Last word's from my Dad & Mom ( my mom and dad waiting for daughter not for daughter in law)

   You have my blessings

(4) Hi I am Looking for Good Traditional Girl, Minimum Qualification Degree or B.tech, MCA, M.B.A,

i need a beutiful girl with a kind heart.and a family girl

     (Does that mean he wants two girls?)

Pictures

This is the most important part of the profile. Some are very secretive about it but hey, you've got to give some to get some.

Trend 1: The Mugshot:  You'll find people taking three pictures of themselves in the same spot, wearing the exact same clothes and shades - a frontal image, right and left side profiles. Yes, exactly like a mugshot. Somehow they think that their shades are going to help their cause and make them look sexy. The number of people living under the shades-make-me-sexy delusion. It is astonishing.

Trend 2: The Passport Size Photo: I am not kidding. They look deadly in this one. If looks could kill, these guys would be ace assassins. It's usually non-smiling and the fine gentleman is all suited up for the occasion. The idea is to show that they're serious about relationships and commitment. .

Trend 3: The Angular Shot: The photograph will be tilted by an angle ranging between 20 degrees to 80 degrees. Somehow, making the viewers sprain their necks is going to increase their value in the market.

Well, what can I say....

I'm not entirely sure if these people are finding love doing these crazy things. If it works, then that's fantastic.

If someone felt upset about this post, I only have a few things to say:

I NEVER HURT YOUR FEELINGS. I am too friendly and jovial girl. WAITING FOR UR REPLY OR MESSAG. Can you able to send email?

A.R. Rahman

The man is a genius. A lot of people speak about how his music is amazing, how he's successful, has a world-wide reach etc.

I want to give a more deeper, soulful response. I want to thank Rahman. I grew up with his music - from Roja, Gentleman, Kadhalan, Kadhal Desam, Alaipayuthe, Kandukondain Kandukondain - I don't know, I've lost count. The impact that his music has on my life is beyond measure. I've listened to his songs preparing for my exams, being at school, law school, vacations etc. I've listened to his music especially during difficult times, helping me tide over them. I can actually listen to every one of his songs and have distinct images of my life imprinted on them.

The music. Sigh. It's different and yet, it never fails to touch you.

I'm sure all of his music comes from a deep, spiritual presence. According to me, his contribution to mankind is phenomenal. Every single time someone listens to his music, they will achieve a higher state of consciousness. This kind of music makes the world better. It transcends whatever differences we might have. It transcends our ego. I'm grateful to have experienced it throughout my life, something that has moved me, helped me be a better and happier person.

I can't thank him enough for this.

Debunking myths about feminists in India

You hear all these random conversations between people - using the word "feminist". You're quite surprised about how they interpret that one word. Here's a blow-by-blow Indian perspective on what the word means.

A: "Yeh feminist log hai na..."

B: "hahahahaha"

A: "Okay now, don't start with all your feminist shit here okay?"

A: "She's a feminist dude"

B: "Oh fuck..... haha. She must be really (sexually) frustrated."

A: "What do you think of feminists?"

B: "Well, as long as it doesn't go beyond a point and as long as it is reasonable"

A: "What?" 

B: "You know.. Countries like US, Australia don't need feminists. India is in bad shape, we need feminists here."

A: "She's too much of a feminist dude"

Mom: "Keep your feminism to yourself, now is not the time to argue"

The most brilliant one I heard - was when I shaved my head. It had nothing to do with anyone else or any political stance:

A: "Oohh.. what is this, some Lesbian-Feminist movement?"

What is Feminism?

It's a movement that advocates equality for men and women in all respects. We're not just talking about voting and property rights but in allllll wayyyysss - employment & wages, social circumstances, unbiased treatment, education, same rights and environment conducive to growth and success.  Here are some popular myths about feminists:

(1) Feminists hate men

Contrary to what people think, we actually do like men. We just don't like the stuck up, retarded, unreasonable and psychotic men (that rules out almost all of them no? lol. Hey, we just like cracking jokes about men. I kid, I kid). We're actually against patriarchy - which means we're also against women that perpetuate male-female inequality. 

Yes. It's true. We don't hate men. You want proof? I can show you the long list of crushes that I've had. We can do a data analysis and I can even give you a pie chart. Promise.

Secondly, if you believe in male-female equality - you're a feminist too. Even if you're a guy. Really. This just blew your mind, I'm sure. Take a drink.

(2) Feminists are angry, scary folks

Of course not! 

Have you seen the kind of shit I write? I wrote in detail about female flatulence in one and about toilets in another. I like hip hop. I watch Rajnikanth movies. I am a loon with a chocolate problem. I'm also a feminist. 

So yes, we get angry just like everyone else - but it's only when people piss us off or if we feel that we haven't been given our due. Totally normal, don't you think?

(3) Feminist = bad word

See, you just offended me right there by calling it one. It's not a bad word. We're nice people. We like cupcakes, long baths, music and what-not. We like babies, puppies and kittens. We can co-exist with you. You just need to treat us like normal human beings.

(4) Feminists burn bras

Dude, I know there was a historical event when people discarded products meant for women. For god's sake, why don't you read about why they did that? In fact, here's a revelation: They did not burn bras. This also blew your mind, didn't it? Take another drink.

Having said that - Bras are the devil. They cause cuts, lines and trauma. They are weapons of mass restriction. 

Anyway, we might be divided on the social and individual benefits of using the bra. It is safe to assume that we're not arsonists. We will not suddenly whip our bras out in the middle of the street or at the workplace, set it on fire and do a war dance around it. 

That is not our grand plan, no.

(5) Lesbians, feminists and spinsters are all the same, they're all sexually frustrated

Lesbian: Someone who is attracted to women. 

Feminists: Explained earlier.

Spinster: Single and loving it.

None of these mean that they are not getting any. They're probably getting some unless - they're a NUN. Even if they weren't getting any, it's really none of your business. 

None of these words are synonyms of each other while one person might be one or more of those words. 

(6) Feminists are unreasonable

Just like any other normal human being - we can be reasonable or unreasonable. We want equality, as explained earlier. You get a cupcake, we get a cupcake. It's only fair. 

I'd like a red velvet, please.

AD

Atharintiki Dharedhi

So yes. 

Wasted my time and watched a Telugu movie instead of doing "productive" work. 

I should be blamed. 

Oh well. Thought I should translate a couple of lines of one of the songs in that movie (Atharintiki Dhaaredhi: What's the way to my aunt's place)

Veedu aaradgula bulletu
veedu dhairyam visirina rockettu.

This literally means this:

He's a 6 feet bullet,

He's a rocket thrown by bravery/courage. 

I find it so funny. Haha. It's a rocket. No, it's a bullet. No, it's Pawan Kalyan!! 

Read the rest of the lyrics here.  

The movie was okay. I wouldn't say spectacular. It's all about how he gets his aunt back home. I liked this song (Kiraaku). Brahmanandam's intro was insanely hilarious. 

I found the bit where he threw his money around to buy out the railway station a bit of a stretch. But hey, being someone who watches Rajnikanth movies, I have no right to complain. 

Thinking too much?

She walked towards the shore of the lake. She decided to sit down and meditate. Breathe, she thought to herself. A lot of questions were on her mind,  ranging from the most serious existential questions to everyday matters. “Am I doing the right thing? Should I move into something else? Will there be chicken for dinner?” People have told her that she thinks too much.

Well, how can you not think when there is so much to solve, so much to analyse and so much to decide on? Some say that women think “too much”. She’d disagree. What is ‘too much?’ Who decided on the adequate thresholds for thinking about something? Is it determined by men who don’t think at all?

Maybe women are intrinsically wired to effect social change by thinking of problems, passionately, with such fervor that they can offer interesting solutions. Maybe it means that our processing capacity is higher?’

The only problem is that we don’t spend that thinking power on good things. We think about “Am I fat?” “Can I fart now, is the coast clear?” or “What do they think of me?”

We need to realize that none of these thinking processes matter. We spend all our energies on negative things or immersing ourselves in negative memories.  It’s the time to be positive, full of life and think of ways to make your life better. Go ahead and do it.

So much for trying to meditate.

Dark skin is lovely & I love the colour black

 Karuppu dhaan enakku pidicha colour-u. Lol.

This is a tamil song that was made in the last decade. It's a song about all the awesome things that were black and finally, the singer sings about how her boyfriend is also dark and awesome.

The funny thing is, the girl singing the song was fair skinned. All the background dancers were dark. What are we trying to say here again?

Why I'm writing this:

There was a recent episode at work where someone mentioned that I didn't have the face to do Bhangra, because I was dark and a south Indian. For someone who feels completely confident about her looks, well - at least her skin - this was very upsetting and shocking. 

This also happened in a context where parents have been insisting that I look at stupid matrimony profiles which all echo this idea of only wanting "a fair bride". That's when I remembered, a statement a male friend had made while we were still in school. We were looking at passport size photographs to apply for our board exams. He looked at mine and said "You should use this when you're getting married because you're looking so fair in it" and I didn't know what exactly to say to it and I said "Skin colour is not an issue!" (which was how I felt then) 

I was so oblivious to my skin colour till this year when this happened. Stupid that it took so long for me to have that epiphany. I realised how backward Indians are. I realised how insensitive they can be and don't realise that it is uncivilised and hurtful to discriminate on the basis of skin colour.  I've personally also heard a story from a colleague who received remarks like "Is that why you're so dark?" to an innocent recollection of  a childhood memory of being punished and made to stand in the sun. 

Let me reiterate. IT IS NOT OKAY TO TELL SOMEONE THAT THEY'RE DARK or ask them WHY THEY ARE DARK. Like, hello, genes. It is also not okay to tell them they can't participate in an activity because they're dark. It is NOT okay to recommend methods to make them lighter. They love the way they look and you're trying to insult them by saying that they could be better - and that they're not good enough right now.

Now onto random meta analysis:

Thamizh movies have had a curious take on dark skin. Most of our male leads have been dark - Rajnikanth, Vijaykanth, Dhanush etc. 

You will see scenes where people will fight for dark skin - like the one below where Shreya rejects Rajnikanth when he proposes to her because he was dark (that wasn't the real reason, they later reconcile where she mentions how his dark skin is the most attractive thing about him). There are a few scenes after that where Rajini tries to become white. Literally, white. He turns up and then she still rejects him and tells him that she liked him dark. He subsequently reveals that he had paint on. There's a song where they used graphics and made him white. 

This was in humour and the essence of the story was that dark skin is awesome, as long as it is a guy with dark skin. Shreya is still fair, most of the women in Rajini's movies (and possibly even in his life) are fair skinned.

I think about it and feel that it must be so liberating for south Indian men to be proud of their appearance because they have major icons to look up to - who are dark. (I believe they're trying to change that with Surya and SRK starring in ads about fair and handsome.)

Unfortunately, the same thing doesn't play out for women. Fair skin is still the ideal. A woman is beautiful if she is light skinned. 

I'm not going to blame thamizh movies for doing it this way but I just want to point this out to movie makers. Make our women closer home, your mother, your sister, your children - the average thamizh household - are they dark or fair? I'm also going to reach out to people reading this. Beauty is from within. Whether you're fair or dark, it shouldn't matter. Whatever your colour is, embrace it. However you look, love yourself. The media can't dictate how you feel about yourself. You should be stronger than that.

Some say that this is a colonial hangover, it's the indoctrination of the idea that white skin is superior. All I'd like to say is this: it's about time we grew out of colonisation. It's been more than 60 years for crying out loud. Someone mentioned that it's a form of self hate and is unhealthy. That is so true.

To those people who discriminate or think that dark skin is ugly - what you see in the movies is just a minor/small fraction of the population, a figment of someone's imagination and meant for entertainment. Their career advancement is based on them looking "attractive"(or whatever the director thinks is attractive). They do all the things they do - because they're working and their income depends on it. 

Other women are just like you, they're real human beings leading normal lives. They spend all their time working, taking care of their children, running a business or a household (the latter is equally challenging, trust me). They do NOT have time or the ability to spend money to maintain a high-end diet, receive endless facials, waxes, bleaches, glycolic peels or plastic surgeries.  You need to accept it and move on.

So - to help you all snap out of the bias, here are pictures of REAL and beautiful women on my friendlist who I coerced into giving their photographs. They're all dusky to coffee to chocolate to dark chocolate, they're so attractive! Embrace beauty.