The Paavadai Dhaavani

The Paavadai Dhaavani/Langa Voni is a traditional south Indian attire. It is also often called the "half saree" as the drape is much shorter than the original saree.

Girl on the left is wearing a langa voni

What it contains:

(1) A blouse
(2) A skirt
(3) A drape/dupatta that comes over your shoulder, around your waist and is finally tucked into the skirt.

I've always been fond of this because of the ease with which you can wear it. Sarees are usually heavier, have a lot of material that gets draped around your body and there's always this fear that something, somewhere might loosen up - resulting in the material falling to the ground exposing you to the outside world and causing immense shame. (The in-skirt only adds to the layers and doesn't count as something you can show to the outside world. So, If the saree falls, you're pretty much in your in-skirt and that's not a happy place to be in.)

The langa voni isn't like that. The skirt has specific designs and this is publicly wearable. There's a smaller drape which is easier to manage - a couple of pleats here and there, and you're done. It's a happy life.

It is viewed as the attire that acts as a transition between the pattu paavadai (something that pubescent-pre-pubescent girls wear) and the saree (something that married women wear).

Till recently, women stopped wearing it and it had almost become uncool to wear it.

In the recent times, people have moved away the traditional materials used and used sequinned Georgettes or chiffons. They've also started embracing the ghaghra and are wearing it like a half saree.

This year, I got three such dresses made, in cotton and close to the original materials used to make the paavadai dhavani. I wore them to work and social gatherings - to everyone's surprise. There were a lot of people who're so urban that didn't even know what it was, they thought it was a saree. I had to explain what it was.

The traditionalists found the idea appealing. My grandmother loved how I was wearing traditional wear on a normal day. People had given me compliments on what I was wearing.

I'm sad now that I'm leaving the country - I won't be able to wear them any time soon.

I'll urge all the women reading this to get a couple done and try wearing them. They're extremely comfortable, great for the hot and humid weather and so easily manageable.

I might understand equality but....

I might understand equality and feminism but -

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

What does it mean when the best of friends talk about how someone is really lucky if they "get" you?
About how some imaginary guy is really lucky because you're a virgin?
How do I tell them that a woman is equal to a man - and that his sexual history is as equally relevant or irrelevant as hers?
How do I tell them that a woman isn't a fucking trophy for you?
How do I tell them that her selectivity or lack thereof does not impact her humanity or even her character?

What does it mean when your childhood friends talk about how you're a spring chicken or a lemon in the market?
Something that needs to be sold before it's too late,
It's all with good intent, or so they say.

How do I tell them that a woman's youth or beauty isn't what makes her valuable?
Just like how a man's strength or wealth isn't what he should be evaluated on?
How do I tell them that a "marriage" isn't "everything"?

What do you tell them when they shame another woman for being a gold digger with no brains,
They also disparagingly question why I am attracted to men based on something that is "external" to them, like their "intelligence",
I ask them, "When will you stop shaming women for their choices?
She did what she thought was best for her - because that's how society has taught her.
I will desire what is best for me - because that's what feminism taught me,
When you're shaming both of us - clearly, no woman will ever win in your eyes."

What do you say when someone you've grown up with reacts negatively towards women based on their sexual orientation or sexual history?
How do I tell her that none of it matters?
How do I tell her that the only thing that matters is if people stand by you when you need them most?
Especially your sisters because they've suffered the most?

What do you tell someone you've grown up with - when she fears seeking permission from her husband's family to step out to have fun?
How do I tell them that a woman's liberty isn't something that should ever be traded to get anything?
How do I tell them that society makes women accept such social control and makes them think that it's the best way to sustain a family?
She traded her freedom for love, that's what she did.
I'm helpless in anger because she does not want to be helped.

What do you tell your wonderful, intelligent colleagues when they come up with a workplace play that misrepresents feminism in many ways?
In a poem about feminism, lines like: "From the dusky looks to the golden smile - crazy, sexy!"
Like as if we haven't been sexualised and objectified enough,
"Mothers, sisters, daughters, women...."
Like as if the corporate system doesn't already look at us as liabilities because we are mothers and wives,
Like as if we're free from expectations like "even if you're a career woman, you're also a daughter, wife and mother".

What do you do when these are the people you loved, cherished and adored?

What do you do when you suddenly feel like you're an outsider because of all this?
Because nobody understands you at all and your lone voice is going to be disregarded as a frivolous fascination for the unfamiliar,
Or something I call as feminism.

A feminism 101 lecture is the last thing they want to hear.
They've all grown tired of the lecture,
When, in fact, they've fallen asleep mid-way,
They've all grown tired of the story.
When they haven't even heard it fully,
Their patience is wearing thin,
But wait, it didn't exist when I started speaking,

Because somebody told them that feminism was a monster,
They all made up their minds based on media campaigns,
Considering how they hadn't even actually met a real one,
Makes this an arduous, uphill task even for the Fem101 champions.

I'm tired of being described as: "cynical", "harsh" or "not fun anymore" for the things I say,
I really don't have the time or patience to explain all of it away,
Because, honestly, there's too many of you,
I really don't think it's my job to be fun for you,
Friendship isn't always about levity,
I hope you'd realise that you're going wrong somewhere,

Especially, if you genuinely believe in equality.

I hope you'd do what is right and change what is in your hands,
If you really feel strongly about making ours a better place,
You'd stop talking, read and at least try to acknowledge my stand.