Debunking myths about feminists in India

You hear all these random conversations between people - using the word "feminist". You're quite surprised about how they interpret that one word. Here's a blow-by-blow Indian perspective on what the word means.

A: "Yeh feminist log hai na..."

B: "hahahahaha"

A: "Okay now, don't start with all your feminist shit here okay?"

A: "She's a feminist dude"

B: "Oh fuck..... haha. She must be really (sexually) frustrated."

A: "What do you think of feminists?"

B: "Well, as long as it doesn't go beyond a point and as long as it is reasonable"

A: "What?" 

B: "You know.. Countries like US, Australia don't need feminists. India is in bad shape, we need feminists here."

A: "She's too much of a feminist dude"

Mom: "Keep your feminism to yourself, now is not the time to argue"

The most brilliant one I heard - was when I shaved my head. It had nothing to do with anyone else or any political stance:

A: "Oohh.. what is this, some Lesbian-Feminist movement?"

What is Feminism?

It's a movement that advocates equality for men and women in all respects. We're not just talking about voting and property rights but in allllll wayyyysss - employment & wages, social circumstances, unbiased treatment, education, same rights and environment conducive to growth and success.  Here are some popular myths about feminists:

(1) Feminists hate men

Contrary to what people think, we actually do like men. We just don't like the stuck up, retarded, unreasonable and psychotic men (that rules out almost all of them no? lol. Hey, we just like cracking jokes about men. I kid, I kid). We're actually against patriarchy - which means we're also against women that perpetuate male-female inequality. 

Yes. It's true. We don't hate men. You want proof? I can show you the long list of crushes that I've had. We can do a data analysis and I can even give you a pie chart. Promise.

Secondly, if you believe in male-female equality - you're a feminist too. Even if you're a guy. Really. This just blew your mind, I'm sure. Take a drink.

(2) Feminists are angry, scary folks

Of course not! 

Have you seen the kind of shit I write? I wrote in detail about female flatulence in one and about toilets in another. I like hip hop. I watch Rajnikanth movies. I am a loon with a chocolate problem. I'm also a feminist. 

So yes, we get angry just like everyone else - but it's only when people piss us off or if we feel that we haven't been given our due. Totally normal, don't you think?

(3) Feminist = bad word

See, you just offended me right there by calling it one. It's not a bad word. We're nice people. We like cupcakes, long baths, music and what-not. We like babies, puppies and kittens. We can co-exist with you. You just need to treat us like normal human beings.

(4) Feminists burn bras

Dude, I know there was a historical event when people discarded products meant for women. For god's sake, why don't you read about why they did that? In fact, here's a revelation: They did not burn bras. This also blew your mind, didn't it? Take another drink.

Having said that - Bras are the devil. They cause cuts, lines and trauma. They are weapons of mass restriction. 

Anyway, we might be divided on the social and individual benefits of using the bra. It is safe to assume that we're not arsonists. We will not suddenly whip our bras out in the middle of the street or at the workplace, set it on fire and do a war dance around it. 

That is not our grand plan, no.

(5) Lesbians, feminists and spinsters are all the same, they're all sexually frustrated

Lesbian: Someone who is attracted to women. 

Feminists: Explained earlier.

Spinster: Single and loving it.

None of these mean that they are not getting any. They're probably getting some unless - they're a NUN. Even if they weren't getting any, it's really none of your business. 

None of these words are synonyms of each other while one person might be one or more of those words. 

(6) Feminists are unreasonable

Just like any other normal human being - we can be reasonable or unreasonable. We want equality, as explained earlier. You get a cupcake, we get a cupcake. It's only fair. 

I'd like a red velvet, please.

AD

Atharintiki Dharedhi

So yes. 

Wasted my time and watched a Telugu movie instead of doing "productive" work. 

I should be blamed. 

Oh well. Thought I should translate a couple of lines of one of the songs in that movie (Atharintiki Dhaaredhi: What's the way to my aunt's place)

Veedu aaradgula bulletu
veedu dhairyam visirina rockettu.

This literally means this:

He's a 6 feet bullet,

He's a rocket thrown by bravery/courage. 

I find it so funny. Haha. It's a rocket. No, it's a bullet. No, it's Pawan Kalyan!! 

Read the rest of the lyrics here.  

The movie was okay. I wouldn't say spectacular. It's all about how he gets his aunt back home. I liked this song (Kiraaku). Brahmanandam's intro was insanely hilarious. 

I found the bit where he threw his money around to buy out the railway station a bit of a stretch. But hey, being someone who watches Rajnikanth movies, I have no right to complain. 

Thinking too much?

She walked towards the shore of the lake. She decided to sit down and meditate. Breathe, she thought to herself. A lot of questions were on her mind,  ranging from the most serious existential questions to everyday matters. “Am I doing the right thing? Should I move into something else? Will there be chicken for dinner?” People have told her that she thinks too much.

Well, how can you not think when there is so much to solve, so much to analyse and so much to decide on? Some say that women think “too much”. She’d disagree. What is ‘too much?’ Who decided on the adequate thresholds for thinking about something? Is it determined by men who don’t think at all?

Maybe women are intrinsically wired to effect social change by thinking of problems, passionately, with such fervor that they can offer interesting solutions. Maybe it means that our processing capacity is higher?’

The only problem is that we don’t spend that thinking power on good things. We think about “Am I fat?” “Can I fart now, is the coast clear?” or “What do they think of me?”

We need to realize that none of these thinking processes matter. We spend all our energies on negative things or immersing ourselves in negative memories.  It’s the time to be positive, full of life and think of ways to make your life better. Go ahead and do it.

So much for trying to meditate.

Dark skin is lovely & I love the colour black

 Karuppu dhaan enakku pidicha colour-u. Lol.

This is a tamil song that was made in the last decade. It's a song about all the awesome things that were black and finally, the singer sings about how her boyfriend is also dark and awesome.

The funny thing is, the girl singing the song was fair skinned. All the background dancers were dark. What are we trying to say here again?

Why I'm writing this:

There was a recent episode at work where someone mentioned that I didn't have the face to do Bhangra, because I was dark and a south Indian. For someone who feels completely confident about her looks, well - at least her skin - this was very upsetting and shocking. 

This also happened in a context where parents have been insisting that I look at stupid matrimony profiles which all echo this idea of only wanting "a fair bride". That's when I remembered, a statement a male friend had made while we were still in school. We were looking at passport size photographs to apply for our board exams. He looked at mine and said "You should use this when you're getting married because you're looking so fair in it" and I didn't know what exactly to say to it and I said "Skin colour is not an issue!" (which was how I felt then) 

I was so oblivious to my skin colour till this year when this happened. Stupid that it took so long for me to have that epiphany. I realised how backward Indians are. I realised how insensitive they can be and don't realise that it is uncivilised and hurtful to discriminate on the basis of skin colour.  I've personally also heard a story from a colleague who received remarks like "Is that why you're so dark?" to an innocent recollection of  a childhood memory of being punished and made to stand in the sun. 

Let me reiterate. IT IS NOT OKAY TO TELL SOMEONE THAT THEY'RE DARK or ask them WHY THEY ARE DARK. Like, hello, genes. It is also not okay to tell them they can't participate in an activity because they're dark. It is NOT okay to recommend methods to make them lighter. They love the way they look and you're trying to insult them by saying that they could be better - and that they're not good enough right now.

Now onto random meta analysis:

Thamizh movies have had a curious take on dark skin. Most of our male leads have been dark - Rajnikanth, Vijaykanth, Dhanush etc. 

You will see scenes where people will fight for dark skin - like the one below where Shreya rejects Rajnikanth when he proposes to her because he was dark (that wasn't the real reason, they later reconcile where she mentions how his dark skin is the most attractive thing about him). There are a few scenes after that where Rajini tries to become white. Literally, white. He turns up and then she still rejects him and tells him that she liked him dark. He subsequently reveals that he had paint on. There's a song where they used graphics and made him white. 

This was in humour and the essence of the story was that dark skin is awesome, as long as it is a guy with dark skin. Shreya is still fair, most of the women in Rajini's movies (and possibly even in his life) are fair skinned.

I think about it and feel that it must be so liberating for south Indian men to be proud of their appearance because they have major icons to look up to - who are dark. (I believe they're trying to change that with Surya and SRK starring in ads about fair and handsome.)

Unfortunately, the same thing doesn't play out for women. Fair skin is still the ideal. A woman is beautiful if she is light skinned. 

I'm not going to blame thamizh movies for doing it this way but I just want to point this out to movie makers. Make our women closer home, your mother, your sister, your children - the average thamizh household - are they dark or fair? I'm also going to reach out to people reading this. Beauty is from within. Whether you're fair or dark, it shouldn't matter. Whatever your colour is, embrace it. However you look, love yourself. The media can't dictate how you feel about yourself. You should be stronger than that.

Some say that this is a colonial hangover, it's the indoctrination of the idea that white skin is superior. All I'd like to say is this: it's about time we grew out of colonisation. It's been more than 60 years for crying out loud. Someone mentioned that it's a form of self hate and is unhealthy. That is so true.

To those people who discriminate or think that dark skin is ugly - what you see in the movies is just a minor/small fraction of the population, a figment of someone's imagination and meant for entertainment. Their career advancement is based on them looking "attractive"(or whatever the director thinks is attractive). They do all the things they do - because they're working and their income depends on it. 

Other women are just like you, they're real human beings leading normal lives. They spend all their time working, taking care of their children, running a business or a household (the latter is equally challenging, trust me). They do NOT have time or the ability to spend money to maintain a high-end diet, receive endless facials, waxes, bleaches, glycolic peels or plastic surgeries.  You need to accept it and move on.

So - to help you all snap out of the bias, here are pictures of REAL and beautiful women on my friendlist who I coerced into giving their photographs. They're all dusky to coffee to chocolate to dark chocolate, they're so attractive! Embrace beauty.