The Paavadai Dhaavani

The Paavadai Dhaavani/Langa Voni is a traditional south Indian attire. It is also often called the "half saree" as the drape is much shorter than the original saree.

Girl on the left is wearing a langa voni

What it contains:

(1) A blouse
(2) A skirt
(3) A drape/dupatta that comes over your shoulder, around your waist and is finally tucked into the skirt.

I've always been fond of this because of the ease with which you can wear it. Sarees are usually heavier, have a lot of material that gets draped around your body and there's always this fear that something, somewhere might loosen up - resulting in the material falling to the ground exposing you to the outside world and causing immense shame. (The in-skirt only adds to the layers and doesn't count as something you can show to the outside world. So, If the saree falls, you're pretty much in your in-skirt and that's not a happy place to be in.)

The langa voni isn't like that. The skirt has specific designs and this is publicly wearable. There's a smaller drape which is easier to manage - a couple of pleats here and there, and you're done. It's a happy life.

It is viewed as the attire that acts as a transition between the pattu paavadai (something that pubescent-pre-pubescent girls wear) and the saree (something that married women wear).

Till recently, women stopped wearing it and it had almost become uncool to wear it.

In the recent times, people have moved away the traditional materials used and used sequinned Georgettes or chiffons. They've also started embracing the ghaghra and are wearing it like a half saree.

This year, I got three such dresses made, in cotton and close to the original materials used to make the paavadai dhavani. I wore them to work and social gatherings - to everyone's surprise. There were a lot of people who're so urban that didn't even know what it was, they thought it was a saree. I had to explain what it was.

The traditionalists found the idea appealing. My grandmother loved how I was wearing traditional wear on a normal day. People had given me compliments on what I was wearing.

I'm sad now that I'm leaving the country - I won't be able to wear them any time soon.

I'll urge all the women reading this to get a couple done and try wearing them. They're extremely comfortable, great for the hot and humid weather and so easily manageable.

I might understand equality but....

I might understand equality and feminism but -

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

What does it mean when the best of friends talk about how someone is really lucky if they "get" you?
About how some imaginary guy is really lucky because you're a virgin?
How do I tell them that a woman is equal to a man - and that his sexual history is as equally relevant or irrelevant as hers?
How do I tell them that a woman isn't a fucking trophy for you?
How do I tell them that her selectivity or lack thereof does not impact her humanity or even her character?

What does it mean when your childhood friends talk about how you're a spring chicken or a lemon in the market?
Something that needs to be sold before it's too late,
It's all with good intent, or so they say.

How do I tell them that a woman's youth or beauty isn't what makes her valuable?
Just like how a man's strength or wealth isn't what he should be evaluated on?
How do I tell them that a "marriage" isn't "everything"?

What do you tell them when they shame another woman for being a gold digger with no brains,
They also disparagingly question why I am attracted to men based on something that is "external" to them, like their "intelligence",
I ask them, "When will you stop shaming women for their choices?
She did what she thought was best for her - because that's how society has taught her.
I will desire what is best for me - because that's what feminism taught me,
When you're shaming both of us - clearly, no woman will ever win in your eyes."

What do you say when someone you've grown up with reacts negatively towards women based on their sexual orientation or sexual history?
How do I tell her that none of it matters?
How do I tell her that the only thing that matters is if people stand by you when you need them most?
Especially your sisters because they've suffered the most?

What do you tell someone you've grown up with - when she fears seeking permission from her husband's family to step out to have fun?
How do I tell them that a woman's liberty isn't something that should ever be traded to get anything?
How do I tell them that society makes women accept such social control and makes them think that it's the best way to sustain a family?
She traded her freedom for love, that's what she did.
I'm helpless in anger because she does not want to be helped.

What do you tell your wonderful, intelligent colleagues when they come up with a workplace play that misrepresents feminism in many ways?
In a poem about feminism, lines like: "From the dusky looks to the golden smile - crazy, sexy!"
Like as if we haven't been sexualised and objectified enough,
"Mothers, sisters, daughters, women...."
Like as if the corporate system doesn't already look at us as liabilities because we are mothers and wives,
Like as if we're free from expectations like "even if you're a career woman, you're also a daughter, wife and mother".

What do you do when these are the people you loved, cherished and adored?

What do you do when you suddenly feel like you're an outsider because of all this?
Because nobody understands you at all and your lone voice is going to be disregarded as a frivolous fascination for the unfamiliar,
Or something I call as feminism.

A feminism 101 lecture is the last thing they want to hear.
They've all grown tired of the lecture,
When, in fact, they've fallen asleep mid-way,
They've all grown tired of the story.
When they haven't even heard it fully,
Their patience is wearing thin,
But wait, it didn't exist when I started speaking,

Because somebody told them that feminism was a monster,
They all made up their minds based on media campaigns,
Considering how they hadn't even actually met a real one,
Makes this an arduous, uphill task even for the Fem101 champions.

I'm tired of being described as: "cynical", "harsh" or "not fun anymore" for the things I say,
I really don't have the time or patience to explain all of it away,
Because, honestly, there's too many of you,
I really don't think it's my job to be fun for you,
Friendship isn't always about levity,
I hope you'd realise that you're going wrong somewhere,

Especially, if you genuinely believe in equality.

I hope you'd do what is right and change what is in your hands,
If you really feel strongly about making ours a better place,
You'd stop talking, read and at least try to acknowledge my stand.

Akash Gautam's Lovepal Bill: A guide to love and relationships

I wrote this and forgot about it. On March 21, as a part of the Speaker Series, we had this supremely fine gentleman giving us a talk about finding love (seriously?). I was so bored with work that I decided to go and attend to see what he had to say. I find how individuals deal with relationships in India very fascinating. There's a wide spectrum of the various ways in which they work (considering the wide spectrum of extremely conservative to extremely liberal to crazy individuals + Indian societal value systems) and was super curious, I thought he might have something interesting to say. This was what I had to say after I attended it.

------------

21 March 2014

Attended one of the worst presentations, ever. The presentation was lousy - not because of the style of delivery but because of the content. The speaker did seem to have an o-k sense of humor and managed to evoke a few laughs. That was probably the only saving grace.

Akash Gautam’s session "Lovepal bill - a guide to love and relationships" was such a badly researched, stereotypical, sexist lecture on how to handle relationships and breakups. 

Shockingly enough, he kept quoting Bollywood and kept using Hindi throughout his talk. This is to an audience of working individuals, from different parts of the country who’ve grown OUT of thinking that Bollywood movies depict real relationships (and in my case, have not watched that many to think along those lines) and surely DON’T dream that they’ll find someone like Shah Rukh Khan or Kajol. 

He asks us to use "logic” in the place of “magic” in a relationship. I’m like, you douche, just because you’re a twit doesn’t mean the rest of us are too. 

The doofus, at some point in the talk - speaks about what men expect in a relationship. Apparently, they want “less drama”. Again, such a stereotypical view of women and how they’re all melodramatic. For god’s sake, I’ve seen enough men who claim that they'll cut their wrists or commit suicide if a girl does not say yes. I’ve seen guys who’re still not over their exes after a zillion years. I’ve also seen guys who get very sappy and start crying for you. The first set of men are idiots - that’s pretty much blackmail. The last two are what they are. They’re normal men and they're entitled to be who they'd like to be, if that's how they express themselves. It's great that they don't feel compelled to live up to society's idea of "manhood". Saying that only women can be “emotional” is ridiculous.

There was the other stereotype where he said, “ladies, watch out, a lot of men out there just want only a physical relations”. Women also want sex, you know. There are also a lot of men who are serious about finding love. 

At one point, the gentleman asked everyone to clap for women because they "bear and raise our children”. Haha, thanks for re-iterating and restricting our roles in society. Yep, that’s what we’re there for, that’s what we do best. 

He asks us to be realistic, asks us to not go looking for a relationship and that it will happen when it is meant to. You fool, most working professionals want to find love but can’t because they aren’t usually allowed to date at the workplace (even if they’re allowed to, they don’t because of the complications). If you really want to increase your chances of finding someone, you go meet more people, you socialize, you go on dates or whatever it is that works.  You increase your odds. Saying rubbish like “don’t go after things” is stupid. 

It is amazing how individuals with no experience or skill end up giving such talks. You need a whole new level of guts to go out there and be confident about your shitty presentation and zero research. Kudos to you Akash Gautam. *slow clap*

You can see this fine gentleman here: http://www.akashgautam.com/products/event/lovepal-bill/

A tribute to T Rajendar

I've been thinking about a lot of things in the past week and have been feeling a lot of feelings. So - last night, I spoke to a really cute guy on the phone, sat on the terrace on the fifth floor, meditated, ate some chocolate dessert, went for a drive with my dad. I spoke to my dad about my predicament. My dad, in his usual inimitable style said, "Just let go and surrender. Go read and write."

As a result of all that, I finally found what needed to be done. This has been on my mind for a long time. I think God has shown me the way.

I'm going to write about someone who has been a huge part of my life from the time I went to law school and felt like a lost bird. A constant companion, a guide, a source of entertainment and enlightenment.

I'm going to write about T. Rajendar. Yes, that's him.

I'm sure you're thinking, "What! That was your takeaway from all this!"

I don't think my dad had this in mind either when he suggested it, but hey, I'm writing, okay?

T. RAJENDAR a.k.a KARADI a.k.a TR

He's just incredibly amazing. For all the following reasons:

(1) He'll talk in rhymes, dance and fight - all at once.

This is called the "I'll-fuck-with-your-mind-so-much-that-you'll-die" technique. It is said that they watched this movie, learned and started using it in Abu Ghraib. Just when the victim thinks that it's all over, you break into a rhyme, dance and freak the shit out of him.

Transcript:

TR: Come my brother in law,

Banana fritter, 

I'll tear up your body, 

And then make fritters. 

(2) He'll give you live beat-boxing at the drop of a hat. 

This was a live call-in show. Start watching from 1:06. He has fans that encourage his antics. This particular caller is asking him about when he plans to get an Oscar award. TR proceeds to explain the difference between Indian tapori music, "African" music and Hip Hop.

TR: "Ka ka ki kaa gagagaga kaaka kaeeeka gaga"

Caller: "Wow sir, they seem to giving Oscars to random people, you deserve one"

TR: "I don't want an Oscar, I just want the people to listen to my music"
"You touch me, my entire body is full of music"
"This video is going viral on Youtube soon, Tamilians need to get inspired by me"

(3) He can dance like a woman in heat. 

This video is gold by Youtube standards. There's a priceless belly shake that happens in this video (1:04). It's like jelly-meets-earthquake. The amazing thing is, he does the beat, the strange animal orgasmic noises, dances, does the jelly-meets-earthquake AND acts like a woman ALL AT THE SAME DAMN TIME.

[Note: Yes, watch this video for the "same damn time" reference. I have a feeling Rick Ross and TR might even be related. Notice the beards and big belly?]

(4) He can lift his dhoti, spread his legs, show his striped boxers, pose, hold an aruvaal and protect two women at the SAME DAMN TIME.

Notice that there's a fan set up somewhere to make his dhoti fly and make him look sexy.

The camera man is tired and says "Okay! Okay! Okay sir, Okay sir! Okay enough sir!". That doesn't stop our man. Notice how the women and other characters disappear from the photo-shoot in the middle.


(5) His anger is unstoppable. He can take on any cheeky reporter at any point in time. 

This reporter made the mistake of telling him that nobody attended TR's speech. Boy, that sure did piss TR off.

Somewhere around 1:00

TR: Come on! Come on! You're trying suppress, oppress and depress the view of the Tamilian.

*claps*

TR: Thamizhan ya! (he repeats that three or four times)

TR: How can you say! How can you say!

(6) He knows English

Just watch the video. I don't need to say anything else.
This video was my religion during law school.


People judge him all the time. He's popularly called a Karadi (bear) and is often made fun of, laughed at and what-not.

But you know what's amazing? - HE DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK about any of it. That's exactly why I'm his fan.

Funny men on the internet - Tru lous 2.0

Are you trying to find "tru lou"?

Have you found the "one"?

Are parents asking you get married a.s.a.p.?

Worry not, the Internet will help you!

Trying to find love is a brave expedition in itself. The fact that people do it on the Internet doesn't change a thing. What is funny is - how they go about it. Previously undocumented attempts at courtship now find their way into your inbox. Taken from social network messages and jeevansathi.com pages (arranged marriage websites, unique to India), this blogpost has samples of about-me sections, personal messages sent by wonderful individuals.

These are messages from men who write to women. Women haven't approached me yet, I'd love to see what it's like on the other side.

Of course, we don't mention their real names.

The Messages

(1) The Royal Prince

Hi friend! my self caddy I liked your profile a lot. nice to see your profile. ones go with my profile we are from one of the Royal, Reputed well known family with good political back ground also bonded with one of the good moral values well settled family with broad mind. if god wish is there than I can give happy, loyal, truthful honest and luxurious life to you. see my pics at facebook name Caddy.

I'll wait for your call or family call don't worry I am too friendly and jovial guy Ph: **REALLYfancynumber*** let me know your answer

Tempting offer, isn't it? Bonded with moral values. No, not cement. He is too friendly with a broad mind. Royal family. Now, this is a great find.

(2) The Foot-Massager

"Hi Madam,

This is Manoj and working in mnc. I am very new to Foot Fetish and very keen on trying out this lifestyle.If you like this please allow me to worship your beautiful feet and want clean your foot wear with no strings attached.

If u like this pls response me or ignore this.Please consider my kind request.

Your Lovely Dog

Manoj"

How polite. Inappropriate sexual request, yes. We can't be rude about that, can we? Priceless. He wants to clean footwear with no strings attached. I suppose my sneakers are not a part of the plan then. Damn.

I replied:

"Hi Manoj, Thank you for your message. I'm not interested in something like this. I still

appreciate your honesty. Have you had any luck so far on facebook?"

He never wrote back.

(3) The Guy with No Bad Habits

HI,IAM RAMESH.I AM ONLY SON WAITING FOR MARRIAGE,I HAD 3SISTERS MARRIED ALREADY WEL SETTELED.MY BUSINESS IS EMUBIRDS STARTED WITH 40 LAKHS,I STARTED ONE YEAR BACK FROM NEXT YEAR I WILL EARN PERYEARLY 10_20 LAKHS.I HAD 3 CRORES OF PROPERTY.IHAD 20 ACRES OF MANGO GARDEN YEARLY IEARN THROUGH THAT 8TO10 LAKHS.ON PADDY FIELD IGET 2 TO 3 LAKHS.I HAD PLOTS IN HYD 400YARDS,ASWAROOPET 600YARDS,PATWARIGUDEM 900 YARDS.I AM ALWAYS SMILEY AND I AM COOL AND INNOCENT GUY .NO BAD HABITS DRINKING ALCOHOL,CIGAR,GUTKHA ETC.MY FATHER IS RETIRED FOREST OFFICER, HE ALSO ACTED IN SOME FILIMS,I ALSO LOOK YOUR PARENTS AS MY PARENTS I PROMICE YOU. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED TO DO JOB I ALLOW YOU TO DO JOB ALSO.I RESPECT MY LIFE PARTNER AND I NEVER HURT YOUR FEELINGS,I GIVE FREEDOM TO HER.IF U ARE INTERESTED CALL ME MY NO IS ***(hidden to protect privacy)***WAITING FOR UR REPLY OR MESSAG

My eyes. They are in intense pain.

We're not really clear on whether he still has the property or if he's talking about what he had. He is always smiley. He 'promices' that he will take care of my parents. He will never hurt my feelings. Aww. I had my heart going out to this guy.  

(4) The Chronic Fraandshipper

hii beautiful, actually i blocked with sending friend request. So can we be friends??? If yes then please

add me as your friend...

Yeah, there's probably a good reason why you can't send any friend requests anymore.

The About Me

The gentleman who invented the "about me" section. Sheer genius. Just give him that Nobel prize, already?

Remember that some of these "arranged marriage" websites allow parents to create profiles for you, without your consent or knowledge.

(1) My son is tall, deterministic and intelligent

(2) NEED A GOOD GIRL, MUST HAVE INTEREST IN GOD WORSHIPS, AFFECTIONATE, CARING, LOVABLE GIRL, AND NOTHING BUT SUITS TO ME. LOVE U MY DREAM GIRL.

(3) Namaste to One & all.

My self Dr. Billa.

This I'd I created for my younger Bro.

We are from one of the Reputed & well known family with good political back ground and bonded with one of the best moral values.

We respect to our dad & mom because of them today we all are on good stage we also went through ups and down, we know the values of  ups and downs.

If I'll talk about my bro he his little beat passionate and loveable guy.

    Slightly scary. Is he passionate about beating up people?

His life style is totally different and unique than us.

He believe in his own path

He always rock on his own decision with the help of everyone blessings.

    I see. He throws a rock on his own decision with everyone's blessings? He rocks on his decision? He's a rock? I don't get it.

He have done his education from Delhi university and he worked for the Paramount and Kingfisher.

recently he left the job because of mom health.

My mom always want to see him front of her eyes because she loves him a lot.

   The rest of us want to see him behind our eyes. Magical retina display. Is that why he quit his job?

We are looking for Beautiful, loveable & well educated girl

who respect to each and everyone.

Forget about dowry factor we also know the pain of dowry factor

     The dowry factor. It's like a prime factor, only divisible by one. Have you been watching fear factor?

But today with the help of god he have a lots properties and all

We just need above qualities girl not dowry.

My bro is very soon moving for commercial pilot training jus waiting for mom recovery.

Last word's from my Dad & Mom ( my mom and dad waiting for daughter not for daughter in law)

   You have my blessings

(4) Hi I am Looking for Good Traditional Girl, Minimum Qualification Degree or B.tech, MCA, M.B.A,

i need a beutiful girl with a kind heart.and a family girl

     (Does that mean he wants two girls?)

Pictures

This is the most important part of the profile. Some are very secretive about it but hey, you've got to give some to get some.

Trend 1: The Mugshot:  You'll find people taking three pictures of themselves in the same spot, wearing the exact same clothes and shades - a frontal image, right and left side profiles. Yes, exactly like a mugshot. Somehow they think that their shades are going to help their cause and make them look sexy. The number of people living under the shades-make-me-sexy delusion. It is astonishing.

Trend 2: The Passport Size Photo: I am not kidding. They look deadly in this one. If looks could kill, these guys would be ace assassins. It's usually non-smiling and the fine gentleman is all suited up for the occasion. The idea is to show that they're serious about relationships and commitment. .

Trend 3: The Angular Shot: The photograph will be tilted by an angle ranging between 20 degrees to 80 degrees. Somehow, making the viewers sprain their necks is going to increase their value in the market.

Well, what can I say....

I'm not entirely sure if these people are finding love doing these crazy things. If it works, then that's fantastic.

If someone felt upset about this post, I only have a few things to say:

I NEVER HURT YOUR FEELINGS. I am too friendly and jovial girl. WAITING FOR UR REPLY OR MESSAG. Can you able to send email?

A.R. Rahman

The man is a genius. A lot of people speak about how his music is amazing, how he's successful, has a world-wide reach etc.

I want to give a more deeper, soulful response. I want to thank Rahman. I grew up with his music - from Roja, Gentleman, Kadhalan, Kadhal Desam, Alaipayuthe, Kandukondain Kandukondain - I don't know, I've lost count. The impact that his music has on my life is beyond measure. I've listened to his songs preparing for my exams, being at school, law school, vacations etc. I've listened to his music especially during difficult times, helping me tide over them. I can actually listen to every one of his songs and have distinct images of my life imprinted on them.

The music. Sigh. It's different and yet, it never fails to touch you.

I'm sure all of his music comes from a deep, spiritual presence. According to me, his contribution to mankind is phenomenal. Every single time someone listens to his music, they will achieve a higher state of consciousness. This kind of music makes the world better. It transcends whatever differences we might have. It transcends our ego. I'm grateful to have experienced it throughout my life, something that has moved me, helped me be a better and happier person.

I can't thank him enough for this.

Debunking myths about feminists in India

You hear all these random conversations between people - using the word "feminist". You're quite surprised about how they interpret that one word. Here's a blow-by-blow Indian perspective on what the word means.

A: "Yeh feminist log hai na..."

B: "hahahahaha"

A: "Okay now, don't start with all your feminist shit here okay?"

A: "She's a feminist dude"

B: "Oh fuck..... haha. She must be really (sexually) frustrated."

A: "What do you think of feminists?"

B: "Well, as long as it doesn't go beyond a point and as long as it is reasonable"

A: "What?" 

B: "You know.. Countries like US, Australia don't need feminists. India is in bad shape, we need feminists here."

A: "She's too much of a feminist dude"

Mom: "Keep your feminism to yourself, now is not the time to argue"

The most brilliant one I heard - was when I shaved my head. It had nothing to do with anyone else or any political stance:

A: "Oohh.. what is this, some Lesbian-Feminist movement?"

What is Feminism?

It's a movement that advocates equality for men and women in all respects. We're not just talking about voting and property rights but in allllll wayyyysss - employment & wages, social circumstances, unbiased treatment, education, same rights and environment conducive to growth and success.  Here are some popular myths about feminists:

(1) Feminists hate men

Contrary to what people think, we actually do like men. We just don't like the stuck up, retarded, unreasonable and psychotic men (that rules out almost all of them no? lol. Hey, we just like cracking jokes about men. I kid, I kid). We're actually against patriarchy - which means we're also against women that perpetuate male-female inequality. 

Yes. It's true. We don't hate men. You want proof? I can show you the long list of crushes that I've had. We can do a data analysis and I can even give you a pie chart. Promise.

Secondly, if you believe in male-female equality - you're a feminist too. Even if you're a guy. Really. This just blew your mind, I'm sure. Take a drink.

(2) Feminists are angry, scary folks

Of course not! 

Have you seen the kind of shit I write? I wrote in detail about female flatulence in one and about toilets in another. I like hip hop. I watch Rajnikanth movies. I am a loon with a chocolate problem. I'm also a feminist. 

So yes, we get angry just like everyone else - but it's only when people piss us off or if we feel that we haven't been given our due. Totally normal, don't you think?

(3) Feminist = bad word

See, you just offended me right there by calling it one. It's not a bad word. We're nice people. We like cupcakes, long baths, music and what-not. We like babies, puppies and kittens. We can co-exist with you. You just need to treat us like normal human beings.

(4) Feminists burn bras

Dude, I know there was a historical event when people discarded products meant for women. For god's sake, why don't you read about why they did that? In fact, here's a revelation: They did not burn bras. This also blew your mind, didn't it? Take another drink.

Having said that - Bras are the devil. They cause cuts, lines and trauma. They are weapons of mass restriction. 

Anyway, we might be divided on the social and individual benefits of using the bra. It is safe to assume that we're not arsonists. We will not suddenly whip our bras out in the middle of the street or at the workplace, set it on fire and do a war dance around it. 

That is not our grand plan, no.

(5) Lesbians, feminists and spinsters are all the same, they're all sexually frustrated

Lesbian: Someone who is attracted to women. 

Feminists: Explained earlier.

Spinster: Single and loving it.

None of these mean that they are not getting any. They're probably getting some unless - they're a NUN. Even if they weren't getting any, it's really none of your business. 

None of these words are synonyms of each other while one person might be one or more of those words. 

(6) Feminists are unreasonable

Just like any other normal human being - we can be reasonable or unreasonable. We want equality, as explained earlier. You get a cupcake, we get a cupcake. It's only fair. 

I'd like a red velvet, please.