Funny men on the internet - Tru lous 2.0

Are you trying to find "tru lou"?

Have you found the "one"?

Are parents asking you get married a.s.a.p.?

Worry not, the Internet will help you!

Trying to find love is a brave expedition in itself. The fact that people do it on the Internet doesn't change a thing. What is funny is - how they go about it. Previously undocumented attempts at courtship now find their way into your inbox. Taken from social network messages and jeevansathi.com pages (arranged marriage websites, unique to India), this blogpost has samples of about-me sections, personal messages sent by wonderful individuals.

These are messages from men who write to women. Women haven't approached me yet, I'd love to see what it's like on the other side.

Of course, we don't mention their real names.

The Messages

(1) The Royal Prince

Hi friend! my self caddy I liked your profile a lot. nice to see your profile. ones go with my profile we are from one of the Royal, Reputed well known family with good political back ground also bonded with one of the good moral values well settled family with broad mind. if god wish is there than I can give happy, loyal, truthful honest and luxurious life to you. see my pics at facebook name Caddy.

I'll wait for your call or family call don't worry I am too friendly and jovial guy Ph: **REALLYfancynumber*** let me know your answer

Tempting offer, isn't it? Bonded with moral values. No, not cement. He is too friendly with a broad mind. Royal family. Now, this is a great find.

(2) The Foot-Massager

"Hi Madam,

This is Manoj and working in mnc. I am very new to Foot Fetish and very keen on trying out this lifestyle.If you like this please allow me to worship your beautiful feet and want clean your foot wear with no strings attached.

If u like this pls response me or ignore this.Please consider my kind request.

Your Lovely Dog

Manoj"

How polite. Inappropriate sexual request, yes. We can't be rude about that, can we? Priceless. He wants to clean footwear with no strings attached. I suppose my sneakers are not a part of the plan then. Damn.

I replied:

"Hi Manoj, Thank you for your message. I'm not interested in something like this. I still

appreciate your honesty. Have you had any luck so far on facebook?"

He never wrote back.

(3) The Guy with No Bad Habits

HI,IAM RAMESH.I AM ONLY SON WAITING FOR MARRIAGE,I HAD 3SISTERS MARRIED ALREADY WEL SETTELED.MY BUSINESS IS EMUBIRDS STARTED WITH 40 LAKHS,I STARTED ONE YEAR BACK FROM NEXT YEAR I WILL EARN PERYEARLY 10_20 LAKHS.I HAD 3 CRORES OF PROPERTY.IHAD 20 ACRES OF MANGO GARDEN YEARLY IEARN THROUGH THAT 8TO10 LAKHS.ON PADDY FIELD IGET 2 TO 3 LAKHS.I HAD PLOTS IN HYD 400YARDS,ASWAROOPET 600YARDS,PATWARIGUDEM 900 YARDS.I AM ALWAYS SMILEY AND I AM COOL AND INNOCENT GUY .NO BAD HABITS DRINKING ALCOHOL,CIGAR,GUTKHA ETC.MY FATHER IS RETIRED FOREST OFFICER, HE ALSO ACTED IN SOME FILIMS,I ALSO LOOK YOUR PARENTS AS MY PARENTS I PROMICE YOU. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED TO DO JOB I ALLOW YOU TO DO JOB ALSO.I RESPECT MY LIFE PARTNER AND I NEVER HURT YOUR FEELINGS,I GIVE FREEDOM TO HER.IF U ARE INTERESTED CALL ME MY NO IS ***(hidden to protect privacy)***WAITING FOR UR REPLY OR MESSAG

My eyes. They are in intense pain.

We're not really clear on whether he still has the property or if he's talking about what he had. He is always smiley. He 'promices' that he will take care of my parents. He will never hurt my feelings. Aww. I had my heart going out to this guy.  

(4) The Chronic Fraandshipper

hii beautiful, actually i blocked with sending friend request. So can we be friends??? If yes then please

add me as your friend...

Yeah, there's probably a good reason why you can't send any friend requests anymore.

The About Me

The gentleman who invented the "about me" section. Sheer genius. Just give him that Nobel prize, already?

Remember that some of these "arranged marriage" websites allow parents to create profiles for you, without your consent or knowledge.

(1) My son is tall, deterministic and intelligent

(2) NEED A GOOD GIRL, MUST HAVE INTEREST IN GOD WORSHIPS, AFFECTIONATE, CARING, LOVABLE GIRL, AND NOTHING BUT SUITS TO ME. LOVE U MY DREAM GIRL.

(3) Namaste to One & all.

My self Dr. Billa.

This I'd I created for my younger Bro.

We are from one of the Reputed & well known family with good political back ground and bonded with one of the best moral values.

We respect to our dad & mom because of them today we all are on good stage we also went through ups and down, we know the values of  ups and downs.

If I'll talk about my bro he his little beat passionate and loveable guy.

    Slightly scary. Is he passionate about beating up people?

His life style is totally different and unique than us.

He believe in his own path

He always rock on his own decision with the help of everyone blessings.

    I see. He throws a rock on his own decision with everyone's blessings? He rocks on his decision? He's a rock? I don't get it.

He have done his education from Delhi university and he worked for the Paramount and Kingfisher.

recently he left the job because of mom health.

My mom always want to see him front of her eyes because she loves him a lot.

   The rest of us want to see him behind our eyes. Magical retina display. Is that why he quit his job?

We are looking for Beautiful, loveable & well educated girl

who respect to each and everyone.

Forget about dowry factor we also know the pain of dowry factor

     The dowry factor. It's like a prime factor, only divisible by one. Have you been watching fear factor?

But today with the help of god he have a lots properties and all

We just need above qualities girl not dowry.

My bro is very soon moving for commercial pilot training jus waiting for mom recovery.

Last word's from my Dad & Mom ( my mom and dad waiting for daughter not for daughter in law)

   You have my blessings

(4) Hi I am Looking for Good Traditional Girl, Minimum Qualification Degree or B.tech, MCA, M.B.A,

i need a beutiful girl with a kind heart.and a family girl

     (Does that mean he wants two girls?)

Pictures

This is the most important part of the profile. Some are very secretive about it but hey, you've got to give some to get some.

Trend 1: The Mugshot:  You'll find people taking three pictures of themselves in the same spot, wearing the exact same clothes and shades - a frontal image, right and left side profiles. Yes, exactly like a mugshot. Somehow they think that their shades are going to help their cause and make them look sexy. The number of people living under the shades-make-me-sexy delusion. It is astonishing.

Trend 2: The Passport Size Photo: I am not kidding. They look deadly in this one. If looks could kill, these guys would be ace assassins. It's usually non-smiling and the fine gentleman is all suited up for the occasion. The idea is to show that they're serious about relationships and commitment. .

Trend 3: The Angular Shot: The photograph will be tilted by an angle ranging between 20 degrees to 80 degrees. Somehow, making the viewers sprain their necks is going to increase their value in the market.

Well, what can I say....

I'm not entirely sure if these people are finding love doing these crazy things. If it works, then that's fantastic.

If someone felt upset about this post, I only have a few things to say:

I NEVER HURT YOUR FEELINGS. I am too friendly and jovial girl. WAITING FOR UR REPLY OR MESSAG. Can you able to send email?

Creeps on Facebook

To all those creeps out there, hello, how are you? How's the creeping going yo?

These are the Average Joes of the world. You might've seen them in class. You might've met them at a social gathering. You then stupidly accept their friend requests or even proactively add them thinking 'oh-hey-i-know-this-guy' or 'maybe-i-should-network' (whatever, see my friend list, you'll know how stupid I am). They'd seem very benign at the beginning. You know those initial -new-facebook-friend-say-hi- chats? It seems normal, he seems ok. We're not even spending any mental energy on it.

Slowly but steadily, the creep surfaces.

Here are some signs and stages in the life of a typical facebook creep:

(1) Message-you-forever Stage: You notice that he starts pinging every other freaking day. He gets the notification 'seen' and I haven't replied, but he is unstoppable. The man will continue to write in every week. If there's one thing you must learn from these creeps - it's perseverence. You don't respond AT ALL over 2 months but he is still sending messages. You remove him from your chat list (using a genius thing called lists) but that doesn't stop him either. He still sends messages 'Heyyy, hw r uuu, y not replying yaaa?' 'Remembrr meee???' 'ssup' 'madam busy huh'.

(2) Googlesearch Newsfeed Stage: He realises, hmm, the hi, how are yous aren't working. He needs something to talk about. He needs something that she can't refuse to respond to. He GOOGLES YOU. Next conversations go like this:

'Oh were you an editor of blah blah journal?'
'Ohhh you won that debate competition in 12th standard?? So impressive'
'I saw all your dance videos on fb, you dance very well'
'I read your note on blah blah, I completely agree with your point on it'
'I saw your inteview on !@#! balah blah, so cool ya'

(SENT BACK TO BACK)

A truly golden one that actually guaranteed a response was because there was commercial intent --
C: 'When is that dance show!!?'
Me: 'Oh its on the 9th of x month, it's on the page I've shared, take a look at it, I can sell you the tickets'
C: LOLzzz too lazy haha
Me: (in-my-mind-why the-f-did-you-ask-then-retard) Ok.

Basically, he goes all creepominator.

(3) Creepominator Reloaded: He subsequently reaches higher levels of creepomination when he is tracking your comments on pages that you like, random profiles etc. GOD KNOWS how creepominators end up tracking your comments on someone else's status who is not on their list or on a photography page that they haven't liked but hey - they can do it. They will then send a message about it 'hey, if you're looking for a photographer, I am one.' 'who is getting married, why do you need a wedding photographer'.

Stupid people who believe in second chances, being kind to peolpe wait till (3) to remove them from their list. Smart people who learn from other people's experiences will remove at (1).

Be smart.

Save yourselves from the creepominators.

Also, DON'T BE A CREEPOMINATOR. If someone doesn't freaking respond to you, MOVE ON. Jeez. There are a gazillion people on this planet. God.  

And if you really had to do a Google search on someone and found stuff after that DONT EFFING TELL THEM YOU WERE GOOGLING THEM, DAMN IT.

If you're interested in someone just bloody well ask them out on a date so you'll know right then if they're interested or not, end of story. You don't have to creep on them for several months altogether, saves you time and saves your reputation. They wouldn't then put up notes about you and tag other people in it.

P.S: Creepominator derived from Creep-on-me-nator. Shortened for ease of usage.

P.P.S: Secondly, if I've ever done this to someone (doubt it), like messaging a lot - SORRY. I really didn't mean to creep. I am normally super freakishly shy if it's someone I like and I avoid voluntarily talking to them. If I kept pinging you, it's either fraanship or I want something from you.  Just sayin'. Chill out ye.